"I dont have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that."
"A fly was very close to being called a “land” because that's what it does half the time."
"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."
"As a kid, I used to jump on beds. But as an adult, I do not sleep on trampolines."